Kenyans Who Should Forever Grace Our TV Screens
Have you ever thought of the politician in a different perspective other than their style of politics or demeanor? It has just occurred to me that you could actually like them because they are quite a bunch. Granted, cartoonists and comedians who imitate their mannerisms usually try to give the levity needed to further dig into their real persona. But allow me to take it a little further.
It would be unseemly to start serializing authority figures without first doing justice to the presidential hopefuls by possibly giving them the limelight first. There is one regular aspirant who has uncharacteristically maintained a low profile at this time. His name is Bifwoli Wakoli, MP for Bumula Constituency in Western Province.
The man is an absolute delight. He had vowed to legalize busaa, a traditional brew, if he assumed the top seat but his number one agenda was thwarted after the legislation beat him to the floor of the House. Damn Mututho and his alcohol laws!
Talking of laws, there is a law stating how many members of cabinet can be appointed by the executive during its five year term. I have a suggestion of a portfolio which should be given top priority in these lean times and the best candidate for it. The job title itself will be defined as the Minister of scandals and scams. Given the high number of corruption allegations ranging from the health care department to the education sector, a substantive minister should be appointed to at least regulate them. If the senate decides to claim turf wars here, then the civil service should push for a regulatory body called KEBS (Kenya Ethics and Bureaucracies Suckers).
I might have had a bit of a problem with the completion of the acronym there but the name of the minister or the director of ‘KEBS’ should not be in question. Mr. Bony Khalwale is the name of the best candidate so far. He fits the bill perfectly. His CV indicates that he has successfully launched and executed a censure against a former finance minister whose name might not be Amos Kimunya since we heard that one died after resigning (he took an oath you see).
The articulate and firebrand Ikolomani MP, Khalwale might have to fast track the current cases on his desk, and by the way some rumors which ought to be believed indicate that a certain professor called Anyang Nyongo might have brought his case to the top of the list.
Salvation is the only thing that can stop a censure motion in parliament if you ask the immediate former Minister of Education Sam Ongeri. The shiny face and the bewildered smile he had to conjure every time free primary school education funds (which disappeared inside faceless people’s pockets) was mentioned have now also disappeared since salvation. Yes, he managed to stay put long enough for the country to discover something else interesting.
I forget what made everyone forget that time, but then again let us trace our way back to the unforgettable moments that made news. Stanley Livondo, the stalwart self proclaimed Mr. Moneybags, who contested and lost the Langata Parliamentary seat. He is a man who has all the TV cameras at his beck and call if only to capture a comical statement. He fought valiantly with the mighty Raila Odinga and managed to come a distant second.
However, it is in his press conferences that we finally realized the guy would have trounced Raila had he stuck to using his first language. The story has it that he decided to go with a second language he must have quickly learnt but hardly memorized. The press statements were mostly composed of English words but vaguely familiar with the speakers of the language. He might as well never again embarrass himself more on TV if he did a commercial about sanitary pads wearing a dress and holding a school bag with his teeth.
It should nonetheless be a big boost for his already sufficiently damaged reputation that he keeps talking of millions whenever he appears back on screen and it is back to the money and the bags. What lesson do we draw from this; all the haters out there are losers clinging to their superior egos which only command academic value.